If I died tonight what would you do?

to tired to care...to tired to think

every word that came out of their mouths tonight at dinner

was another razor across my skin

I'm sorry they're stuck with me

such a disappointing daughter

I know I'm not like him

hell, not many people are

he's going to MIT at the age of 16

but they don't have to rub it in

every glance they gave me

disappointment was in their eyes

I had their pity, their doubt...

they don't believe in me

since they don't believe then why should I bother

they don't have faith in me at all

I'm sorry if I'm such a disappointment to them...

I sit here unsure what to write...
I guess the fact that aunt alice is gone
has finally sunk in
then talking to benjamin
remembering all the old days from our childhood
then after his mum passed on
we've never really spoken again
this puts things into perspective
I carry the cancer gene
I could die at any time
isn't that nice to know?
so maybe I really should live life to the fullest...