Wednesday, January 31, 2007
it really is over...I can't ever touch him, hold him or have him...this dream I wanted so badly, I'll never catch it, I don't dare destroy the happiness of another, and if I did bring forth what I feel, there'd be nothing left of what we once were, to destroy a simple friendship is like a bullet wound, healed but never really whole...it would hurt me, scar me...what would be left of this already hollow corpse? speed up the process of decomposition? sigh, I'm almost at my end...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
maybe I really should just give up...why fight so much...accept what destiny has tossed my way...one let down after another, is it possible to stand alone in everything? I hope so...thats how it appears, my vision is so cloudy with the unknown...too many consequences and unaccountables...what if something truly dire happens...could I live with myself for losing all thats precious and letting it slip through my fingers? but still can I live with my cowardice now...my spinelss self...
I'm waiting
For the perfect time to call you back
Cos' I remember saying
Don't wanna know the truth
Can't handle that
And I try to (and I try to)
Just forget you (just forget you)
But don't know how
If only I knew
It's written all over your face
Such a painful thing to waste
Tell me now where do we go?
Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care?
Maybe I could meet you there
Yeah
I'm sorry
If I slagged you down, I meant no harm
When I heard the stories
Said things I didn't mean
Should have stayed calm
Sadly
Got angry
And it breaks my heart
You're so mad at me
It's written all over your face
Such a painful thing to waste
Tell me now where do we go?
Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care?
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I could meet you there
It's written all over your face
Such a painful thing to waste
Tell me now where do we go?
Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care?
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I should meet you there
I hate when you say,
I Don't blow you away,
I can't break through that way
Our Friends told us
We wouldn't last for the week
I guess they think that I'm a freak
They hated my blue streak
I cant control this
Why does it feel like it's raining in my head?
I don't understand
Why are you always complaining about me
You don't even know who I am
Don't think I wanna know you
I'm tired of running after you
I won't say it started cause
Cos' I don't need you
I've given up and never reminisce
I found a way of getting over this
I let go in everyway
Cos' I don't need you
I feel that it's time
For me to draw the line
(I know that I'll be fine)
Without your bitchin'
Cos' everyday I become
A little less numb
Like I don't even know you
Why does it feel like it's raining in my head?
I don't understand
Why are you always complaining about me
You don't even know who I am
Don't think I wanna know you
I'm tired of running after you
I won't say it started cause
Cos' I don't need you
I've given up and never reminisce
I found a way of getting over this
I let go in everyway
Cos' I don't need you
Don't think I wanna know you
I'm tired of running after you
I won't say it started cause
Cos' I don't need you
I've given up and never reminisce
I found a way of getting over this
I let go in everyway
Cos' I don't need you
Cos' I don't need you
Don't think I wanna know
I've gotta go before I go crazy
I let go in everyway
Cos' anyway, I know that you hate me
Don't think I wanna know
I've gotta go before I go crazy
I let go in everyway
Cos' anyway, I know that you hate me
Don't think I wanna know
I've gotta go before I go crazy
I let go in everyway
Cos' anyway, I know that you hate me
Saturday, January 27, 2007
I don't give a damn about you
No nothing can change my mind
No way
I'm happy just to let you walk away
Don't think about you at night
I'm happy to be alone
It's ok
But that was yesterday and now I'm
Driving in my car
Words don't get me far
When they don't mean shit
Ooooooh!
I'm calling you at 3am and I,
I'm standing here right outside your door
But I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
And I don't think that my heart can take more
I don't give a damn what you do
I'm gonna get with you
Again
And that's the way this night is gonna end
You said you need some time
How long does it take to see
That we are more than meant to be
And now you're driving in your car
But you won't get far
Cos' your car is shit
Ooooooh!
I'm calling you at 3am and I'm
Standing here right outside your door
And I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more
Can take much more (echoes)
Can take much more (echoes)
Can take much more (echoes)
Driving in my car
Words don't get me far
When they don't mean shit
Ooooooh!
I'm calling you at 3am and I'm
Standing here right outside your door
And I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more
Thursday, January 25, 2007
another day without mrs elliotte...bio is quite fun and I enjoy it most of the time...sigh...to think about SATs now of all times...everything just goes from bad to worse doesn't it? well shall have a positive outlook on life then, sigh so many things have happened in just 1 year, oh I finally got to meet my cousin patrick, he really is good, when he's skating its like he's flying so free and happy, he loves it so much, I hope he really does win the olympics! so no injuries otherwise who knows what will happen, sigh still no talking with sarah and nadia...it just seem so incomplete without them, we were the four amigo's now its just me and hitomi...but what sarah was doing...it was not healthy, I don't think anyone would of supported her...oh I don't know...I just pray that she understands that what I did was what I thought was best...no other 16 year old has had to deal with the same issue I think, its just so much responsibility...and theres so much guilt if something happens to her...as her friend I'm responsible for her health and safety if not what am I?
Cuz I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it
Let it take you away,
And be hopeful (hopeful) and he'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but that's okay.
cause we hopeful
lol yep hopeful is what I am...I have many hopes but that doesn't mean they'll come true...please try to understand my fears, and that what I did to you was what I thought was best for you...I'm sorry if you feel hurt and betrayed but I'm hopeful that you'll forgive me one day
the morning, its so quiet here...so nice and peaceful, no one would ever believe what happens under the surface...I really do miss crescent now...I feel a sense of great loss...now I realised how many regretable decisions I've made, all the 'what ifs' but alas there nothing that can be changed now...sigh I really wish to go back, back to the place that comforts me, there was happiness there and no need for perfection, just to try your best...we met sho again this christmas, and his family was there too, his mum is so nice and caring, because the next day was the new year she gave us oranges and the sticky rice cake thing with red bean, their family made it by hand and it was really delicious, how ironic that the morning they arrived we were leaving, but still it was nice while it lasted...I believe I could live a reclused life now, up somewhere in the mountains all alone with maybe just Sunset(my horse) and Lady(my dog)...this life here and now moves way to fast for my liking, things change just as you turn around...theres no true comfort as humans slowly loose the ability to trust, by my time will there still be the roving mountains? the flower fields and wild grass? its highly doubtful in this time and age that something so sweet and innocent could possibly survive for so long, knowing humans and their weaknessess they would destroy it before its time, the disruption of the cycle will not go unnoticed, the end is near.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
she's gone, her flight is soon
they all leave
one after the other
friendship always brings sadness doesn't it...
I can't even go to the airport...
stupid school tomorrow...
can I not go?
I don't have the energy to do anything now...
I can barely type...
life seems worthless now...
Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses whither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day . . .
Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time
I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is
Look
A new day has begun
Monday, January 22, 2007
ok finally this is alive again after so long! lol sorry guys school got hectic so I just had to drop my blog like a hot potato, actually I've dropped alot of non-essential things, but yes to keep in contact with crescent people I'll start this up again!